Dry-Or is actually the ancient Sumerian deity of shame. People would cover themselves with cloth or other drapery in order to humble themselves to the vengeful god. When their clothing or bodies needed cleansing, Dry-Or would offer a short reprieve, allowing the people to hide themselves away individually in order to clean themselves. As payment for this generosity, a stocking or sandal would be sacrificed to Dry-Or in this cleansing process in order to satiate the holy appliance’s unquenchable bloodlust. Occasionally, some foolish mortal dares tempt the mighty Kenmores of the Whirlpool, who rest at the peak of Mount Sears. Only one previous instance of this insubordination has been recorded.

It occurred around the fifth century and to show their humility and devotion to the god, none but the rich and powerful ever bathed their clothes or bodies. These years came to be known as The Dank Ages, due to the atrocious smell given off around large cities. (It was known by this name for many years until a scribe ran out of ink as he was writing tail end of the ‘N’ in ‘Dank’ and forgot to correct the error.)

Last time humanity got off easy with a mere thousand years of starchy, stiff clothing, static cling, and two-thirds of Europe dying. This time, the mighty Dry-Or will not be so merciful.