Welcome welcome one and all to another Saturday on Ninja and Pirate! Ninja and Doctor Whoo’s diabolical plan for revenge is getting ever closer! Val is on her way to dinner and Pirate’s souffle is still in the oven! AND THE PROM’S TOMORROW!! WARNING: Prom may not actually be tomorrow. Prom time frame and all other social crises added for dramatic effect.

I hope you all had a fun and safe Fourth of July! Unless of course you aren’t a rabble-rousing, cowboy hat wearin, Wal-Mart scooter ridin’ ‘Murican in which case yew kin jest GIT OWT!!! Stereotypes are fun, aren’t they? Seriously though, to my fellow ‘Muricans I hope you had a blast (get it? Because of the fireworks?) celebrating your American history what with the display of an ancient Chinese art form and the consumption of German cuisine. Remember the reason for the holiday- that we were all too cheap to pay taxes, especially on tea, you know, that beverage that about 3% of the population drinks. Celebrate our stinginess! Yay!

All good natured cynicism aside, I had a good holiday. I ate far too much and got eaten by mosquitos. I am currently writing this blog while in the digestion tract of the Mosquito Hive Mind Queen. Everybody should run away as far as they can to…I mean, stand outside without resistance and do not attempt to swat the mosquito hordes. They are your friends. Compliance would be appreciated. I am normal human male beast. No needing for alarm. Please continue with your…I mean, OUR human revelries outside without the use of bug spray. Thank you for your cooperation squishy blood-filled compatriots. So long for now. Normal human farewell.